why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
