I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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