I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize