Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
vagina is talking i cant
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
