So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
did i just pee glitter
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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