As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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