All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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