you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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