This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
