I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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