Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
