The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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