Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
