Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
