Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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