lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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