How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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