I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
