margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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