i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
