college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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