you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
