Pregnant stripper...not hot.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
