This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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