I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
