do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize