that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
