no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize