Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Found the puke drawer
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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