Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
