I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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