I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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