this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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