i don't like sucking hair
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
