Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
