If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize