wat bout pragnant strippers??
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
