she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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