You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
