Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
