shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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