i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I am one with the molecules
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
