on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
