i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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