Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
