You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
