i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
