Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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