pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize