remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
