she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
