I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize