those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
