i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize