This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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