well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
4 words: hood of his car
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize