i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
