woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
