It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
