i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
