She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
