$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize