We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
