u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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