Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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