Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
