I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
