I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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