Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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