I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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